| Artist | Song | Year | Comments | | Sound |
| A*Teens | Dancing Queen | 2001 | Nickelodeon/Roller rink | |
| Upside Down | 2001 | Incapable of original material | |
| Abba | Waterloo | 1974 | Don't take a chance on this | |
| Paula Abdul | Forever Your Girl | 1988 | Junior high valentine | |
| Promise Of A New Day | 1990 | Bubble gum with no flavor | |
| Rush Rush | 1992 | Mush | |
| Ace | How Long | 1975 | Velvet lounge rock | |
| Bryan Adams | Cuts Like A Knife | 1983 | Contender for cheesy lyric champion | |
| Everything I Do, I Do It For You | 1991 | Top 50 Worst/Supersize that barf bag | |
| Rescue Me | | Listen at work! | |
| Straight From the Heart | 1983 | Straight from the boardroom | |
| The Only Thing That Looks Good On Me Is You | 1996 | Slow down, slick | |
| (w/ Sting, Rod Stewart) | All For One | 1992 | And crap for all | |
| Oleda Adams | Get There | 1990 | Pass the airline barf bag | |
| Aerosmith | Blindman | 1994 | Top 50 Worst/Perhaps their worst | |
| Crazy | 1994 | Heard it all before | |
| Fly Away From Here | | Michael Bolton rock | |
| I Don't Want To Miss A Thing | 1998 | Soft-rock assembly line cover tune | |
| Just Push Play | 2001 | Erase and rewind | |
| Pink | | Pass the mic | |
| Christina Aguilera | Can't Hold Us Down | | More forgettable stuff | |
| Come On Over | 2000 | Dee Snider's long-lost twin | |
| Fighter | 2003 | Fighting for her right to be a skank | |
| I Turn To You | 2000 | More of the same | |
| (w/ Mya, Pink, Lil' Kim) | Lady Marmalade | 2001 | All-star corporate remake crap | |
| Clay Aiken | This Is the Night | 2003 | You voted, America. You should be shot. | |
| Air Supply | All Out Of Love | 1980 | Improbable, cramp-inducing music | |
| Even the Nights Are Better | 1980 | Slightly less painful - like comparing a broken leg to a root canal. |
| Morris Albert | Feelings | 1975 | Nothing more than crap | |
| All 4 One | I Swear | 1993 | Top 50 Worst/Pass the barf bag | |
| Alphaville | Forever Young | 1985 | New wave whiners | |
| Paul Anka | Having My Baby | 1974 | I think we can agree on this one | |
| The Teen Commandments | | Makes a Pat Boone song look normal | |
| Adam Ant | Goody Two-Shoes | 1982 | Found its way to Dairy Council public service ads | |
| Strip | 1982 | Recent holdup attempt with starter's pistol casts new light on this guy's work | |
| Aqua | Barbie Song | 1999 | No novelty qualities | |
| Ashanti | Unfoolish | 2002 | One-trick pony | |
| Rock Wit U | 2003 | Incapable of original material, and a poor speller | |
| Rick Astley | It Would Take A Strong, Strong Man | 1988 | The hero song that just doesn't work | |
| Never Gonna Give You Up | 1987 | The thoughtless song that started it | |
| She Wants to Dance With Me | 1988 | Bobby Sherman swallowing viagra by the handful | |
| Together Forever | 1988 | Top 50 Worst/junior high prom | |
| Bachman Turner Overdrive | Taking Care of Business | 1974 | Wedding reception/employee training tape staple | |
| Backstreet Boys | I Want It That Way | 1999 | Music without any social edge whatsoever | |
| Quit Playing Games With My Heart | 1998 | Post-Menudo-New Kids. It's been done | |
| Bad Company | Feel Like Makin' Love | 1975 | Classic crap anthem | |
| Baja Men | Who Let the Dogs Out? | 2000 | Whoomp! There it is! | |
| Barney the Dinosaur | I Love You, You Love Me | 1992 | If hell has a soundtrack... | |
| Toni Basil | Mickey | 1982 | Headache-inducing | |
| Bay City Rollers | Saturday Night | 1975 | Spice boys | |
| Beck | Loser | 1994 | Freshman dorm after midterms | |
| Bee Gees | Stayin' Alive | 1977 | Three brothers. Zero testicles. | |
| Chuck Berry | My Ding-A-Ling | 1972 | Currently under Senate review | |
| Beyonce w/ Jay Z | Crazy In Love | 2003 | The mystery is how these people made so much money. | |
| Black Crowes | Hard To Handle | 1990 | Hey little thing, Aerosmith wannabes... | |
| Blink 182 | All the Small Things | 2000 | Alphanumeric bandwagon/softball rock | |
| Michael Bolton | A Love So Beautiful | | Third level of hell | |
| Can I Touch You There? | 1994 | Just plain creepy | |
| Dock Of the Bay | 1988 | Smothered to death | |
| Everybody's Crazy | 1986 | Conquering two genres of cheese | |
| Georgia On My Mind | | He does remakes because he finds his own material revolting | |
| How Am I Supposed To Live? | 1989 | Top 50 Worst/How much can you handle? | |
| How Can We Be Lovers? | | Top 50 Worst/Equally bad | |
| When A Man Loves A Woman | | Top 50 Worst/When a man makes lemons out of lemonade | |
| When I'm Back On My Feet | | I'll take a barf bag with extra dipping sauce | |
| Bon Jovi | Bad Medicine | 1988 | Loverboy and Mountain Dew | |
| Bed Of Roses | 1992 | Pass the barf bag | |
| I'll Be There For You | 1989 | Junior high serenade | |
| Debby Boone | You Light Up My Life | 1977 | Top 50 Worst/Nepotism at work | |
| Boston | Amanda | 1986 | Off-track comeback | |
| Brandy | Sitting Up In My Room | | Teen angst | |
| Brandy and Monica | The Boy Is Mine | 1998 | Boy is mine, girl is mine, it's still bad | |
| Meredith Brooks | Bitch | 1998 | The certain way to typecast one's self | |
| The Buoys | Timothy | 1971 | Best song written about cannibalism | |
| Bush | Glycerine | 1995 | Not as cool as the name implies | |
| Swallowed | 1996 | ...and back into the barf bag | |
| Cameo | Word Up | 1986 | No evidence of actual words | |
| Captain and Tenille | Love Will Keep Us Together | 1975 | Music without balls | |
| Muskrat Love | 1976 | Top 50 Worst/Beastiality pop | |
| The Cardigans | Lovefool | 1996 | Poor start, but made improvements | |
| Mariah Carey |
Bringing On the Heartbreak | 2003 | Does Def Leppard know about this? | |
|
Don't Stop (Funkin' For Jamaica) | | Does Fleetwood Mac know about this? | |
| Emotions | 1990 | She could do so much more with her voice | |
| Fantasy | 1993 | How about wearing clothes that fit you? | |
| Hero | | The requisite sappy song | |
| Loverboy | | Please don't mention that band | |
| Melt Away | | Just add water | |
| Never Too Far | | From the "nervous breakdown?" | |
| (w/ Whitney Houston) | When You Believe | | Double that barf bag | |
| Belinda Carlisle | Heaven Is A Place On Earth | 1987 | Excruciating video | |
| Bob Carlisle | Butterfly Kisses | | Top 50 Worst/Once again, it's on hell's radio station | |
| Clarence Carter | Patches | | Needs Fixing | |
| Harry Chapin | Cats In the Cradle | 1974 | Spawned endless remakes | |
| J.C. Chasez | Some Girls (Dance With Women) | 2004 | Even the nights are better | |
| Cher | Half Breed | 1973 | Attempt at significance | |
| If I Could Turn Back Time | 1989 | And stop your career? | |
| Chicago | If She Would've Been Faithful | 1987 | Truly touching. If only we cared. | |
| Look Away | 1988 | Lite rock power track | |
| Saturday In the Park | 1972 | 20 years behind the times | |
| You're the Inspiration | 1984 | Here comes breakfast and lunch | |
| Chicago Bears | Super Bowl Shuffle | 1985 | More detailed analysis of this train wreck in the video section | |
| Chumbawamba | Tubthumping | 1997 | The anarchist band sells out | |
| City High | What Would You Do? | | Less than fly | |
| Kelly Clarkson | A Moment Like This | 2002 | Precisely what's wrong with America | |
| Miss Independent | 2003 | Parrot - sings whatever people tell her to sing. | |
| Paula Cole | Where Have All the Cowboys Gone | 1997 | Overhyped, whiny fodder | |
| I Don't Want To Wait | 1997 | The theme to Dawson's Creek | |
| Collective Soul | Precious Declaration | 1996 | The simplest of simple | |
| The World I Know | 1995 | Shallow introspection | |
| Phil Collins | A Groovy Kind Of Love | 1988 | A worse remake of a bad song | |
| Two Hearts | 1988 | Soccer mom-valium rock | |
| You'll Be In My Heart | 1999 | Soft rock assembly line | |
| Counting Crows | Mr. Jones | 1994 | Instigates brain damage | |
| Cowboy Mouth | Jenny Says | 1996 | If you tap your foot, cut it off | |
| Cracker | Get Off This | 1994 | Juvenile resistance | |
| Creed | One | 1998 | A band in need of a beatdown | |
| With Arms Wide Open | 2001 | Michael Bolton rock | |
| Sheryl Crow | All I Wanna Do | 1994 | At least she looks good | |
| If It Makes You Happy | 1996 | See above | |
| Culture Club | Do You Really Want To Hurt Me | 1982 | Where do I start with these guys | |
| Karma Chameleon | 1983 | Remember when Boy George appeared on "The A-Team"? | |
| The War Song | 1984 | What is it good for? | |
| Billy Ray Cyrus | Achy-Breaky Heart | 1992 | Top 50 Worst/This should be everyone's misery | |
| Dashboard Confessional | Screaming Infidelities | 2002 | Whining infidelities | |
| Taylor Dayne | I'll Always Love You | 1988 | The requisite ballad | |
| With Every Beat Of My Heart | 1990 | pre-teen slumber party/it all sounds the same | |
| Days Of the New | Touch, Peel and Stand | 1998 | Spun 30+ times a week for two years | |
| Def Leppard | Two Steps Behind | | Pass the mic | |
| Miss You In A Heartbeat | | Missing out on a lot | |
| John Denver | Thank God I'm A Country Boy | | Thankfully found other things in life | |
| Destiny's Child | Bills, Bills, Bills | 2002 | Ain't got no man to pay 'em for us... | |
| Bootylicious | 2002 | The title says it all | |
| Independent Woman | 2001 | A social stand from girls in hot pants | |
| Jumpin' Jumpin' | 2001 | Pimpin' Pimpin' | |
| Say My Name | 2001 | Thinly-disguised message | |
| Survivor | 2001 | That's the spirit | |
| Device | Hanging On A Heart Attack | 1986 | Post-Miami Vice | |
| Celine Dion | My Heart Will Go On | 1998 | Money-hungry mass-marketing machine | |
| You Shook Me All Night Long | 2002 | Toothpick Canadian thighs | |
| Disco Tex and the Sex-O-Lettes | Get Dancin' | 1974 | You must be this swarthy to enter | |
| The Dixie Chicks | Landslide | 2002 | Why do people keep covering this song? | |
| Bo Donaldson and the Heywoods | Billy, Don't Be A Hero | 1974 | Top 50 Worst/You did us no favors by becoming musicians | |
| Carl Douglas | Kung Fu Fighting | 1974 | Lost his career as fast as lightning | |
| Dr. Hook and the Medicine Show | Sylvia's Mother | 1972 | Kleenex-n-valium | |
| Dream Street | It Happens Every Time | 2001 | Not even a boy band. It's a toddler band | |
| The Eagles | Best Of My Love | 1974 | Should not have done ballads | |
| Desperado | 1975 | Steely Dan and John Fogerty chugging nyquil | |
| Get Over It | 1994 | Pass the mic | |
| Take It To The Limit | 1975 | And i-i-i-i-i will always love you | |
| Sheena Easton | Morning Train (9 to 5) | 1981 | Assembly line/D-train pop | |
| Eminem | Stan | 2000 | Attempt at significance | |
| Gloria Estefan | Can't Stay Away From You | 1987 | Miami pain machine | |
| Reach | 1996 | On the advertiser bandwagon | |
| Europe | Carrie | 1987 | A gigantic hunk of cheese | |
| The Final Countdown | 1987 | Worst synth-line in history | |
| Everclear | Santa Monica | 1995 | Overhyped, simplistic, they have better stuff | |
| I Will Buy You A New Life | 1998 | Maybe not | |
| Firehouse | Love Of A Lifetime | 1990 | Nostril rock/Heave! | |
| Foo Fighters | Big Me | 1996 | Amusing video, pointless song | |
| Willa Ford | I Want To Be Bad | 2002 | Formerly known as "who really cares" | |
| Foreigner | Dirty White Boy | 1979 | Goes well with Billy Beer | |
| Hot Blooded | 1978 | Top 50 Worst/Worst lyrics ever? | |
| I Want To Know What Love Is | 1984 | Stomach-churning song, and the video is worse | |
| Say You Will | 1987 | Pass the mic | |
| Nelly Furtado | I Am Like A Bird | 2001 | Post-Lilith Fair | |
| Leif Garrett | I Was Made For Dancing | 1978 | Example of how capitalism fails | |
| Surfin' USA | 1977 | Who told this guy he could sing? | |
| David Geddes | Run, Joey, Run | 1975 | Top 50 Worst/There's no justice like shotgun justice | |
| Debbie Gibson | Lost In Your Eyes | 1989 | Top 50 Worst/Supersize that barf bag | |
| Shake Your Love | 1987 | I'm probably reading into this a little too much | |
| Billy Gilliam | One Voice | | One irritating voice | |
| Gin Blossoms | Follow You Down | 1994 | Nice guy rock | |
| Until I Fall Away | 1994 | Quite cheesy | |
| Until I Hear It From You | 1994 | Assembly line rock | |
| Ginuwine | Differences | 2001 | Straight through the nostril | |
| Glass Tiger | Don't Forget Me When I'm Gone | 1986 | Already did | |
| Someday | 1986 | The cheesewheel follow-up | |
| Bobby Goldsboro | Watching Scotty Grow | 1970 | Top 50 Worst/Extremely uncomfortable, borderline pedophilia | |
| Goo Goo Dolls | Iris | 1998 | Worn out after the millionth spin | |
| Good Charlotte | Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous | 2003 | Part of a new generation of "whiner rock" | |
| Steve Green | Measure Of A Man | | Bobby Sherman picks a fight | |
| Green Day | Basketcase | 1993 | Song of choice for "alternative" pre-teens | |
| I Fought the Law | 2004 | A song already remade by half of planet Earth | |
| When I Come Around | 1994 | When I learn another chord | |
| Henry Gross | Shannon | 1976 | Some guys sing about women. Henry sang about his dog. | |
| Guns N Roses | Sweet Child O' Mine | 1988 | Uh oh, Axl's handing out backstage passes | |
| Sammy Hagar | Marching To Mars | 1997 | Pass the mic | |
| Mas Tequila | | Pass the keg | |
| Hall And Oates | I Can't Go For That | 1981 | What Hall said to Oates | |
| One On One | 1983 | Another suspicious song | |
| Say It Isn't So | 1983 | What Oates said to Hall | |
| Hammer | Pumps And A Bump | 1994 | This was a joke, right? | |
| Hanson | MMMBop | 1997 | Top 50 Worst/Remember when everyone liked Kris Kross? | |
| This Time Around | | Once is enough. Pass the mic. | |
| Richard Harris | MacArthur Park | | Mocked by single-cell life on other planets | |
| Corey Hart | Never Surrender | 1985 | Top 50 Worst/Monster ballads to the mainstream | |
| Head East | Never Been Any Reason | 1975 | Severely overplayed | |
| Herman and the Hermits | Mrs. Brown, You've Got A Lovely Daughter | | Hands off, hornytoad! | |
| Lauryn Hill | You're Just Too Good To Be True | 2002 | Flavor of the month trying to regain her crown | |
| Rupert Holmes | Escape (The Pina Colada Song) | 1979 | No escaping the bad stuff he's done | |
| Hootie and the Blowfish | Hold My Hand | 1994 | I'd rather drink anti-freeze | |
| Let Her Cry | 1994 | And this is the best of the bunch | |
| Only Wanna Be With You | 1995 | Pre-Matchbox 20 | |
| Whitney Houston | How Will I Know? | 1985 | Junior high daydreamer | |
| I Wanna Dance With Somebody | 1987 | I'm mad as hell, and I'm not going to take it anymore! | |
| I Will Always Love You | 1992 | Top 50 Worst/Toss the stereo out the window | |
| Why Does It Hurt So Bad? | | Excruciating headaches hurt indeed | |
| William Hung | She Bangs | 2004 | No matter how much talent is lacking, America will prop you up. | |
| We Are the Champions | 2004 | Dead dogs howl from beyond the grave | |
| J. Geils Band | Centerfold | 1981 | One of the worst rock-pop crossovers...ever | |
| Freeze Frame | 1982 | Essentially the same thing | |
| Ja Rule w/ J. Lo | I'm Real | | Ja? Real? Not really. | |
| Terry Jacks | Seasons In the Sun | 1974 | School of Pollyanna | |
| Janet Jackson | Again | 1993 | Assembly line romance | |
| Escapade | 1990 | No content whatsoever | |
| Pleasure Principle | 1987 | Freud would hate it | |
| Michael Jackson | Black Or White | 1992 | Well, we never figured it out | |
| The Girl Is Mine | 1982 | Beginning of the uncomfortable McCartney duets | |
| The Man In the Mirror | 1988 | A real crotch-grabber | |
| You Rock My World | 2001 | We're well aware of what rocks your world | |
| Michael and Janet Jackson | Scream | 1995 | Careers on the decline | |
| Jagged Edge | Let's Get Married | | Oh my, the alternative could be damning | |
| Mick Jagger and David Bowie | Dancing in the Street | 1985 | Extremely uncomfortable | |
| Rick James | Fire and Desire | 1981 | Cold as ice | |
| Jay-Z | Big Pimpin' | 2001 | Thugs 'n' hugs | |
| (w/ Beyonce) | Bonnie and Clyde | 2003 | Hopefully he encounters a similar end | |
| Jewel | Foolish Games | 1996 | Foolish of her to use her voice this way | |
| Standing Still | 2002 | Still doesn't get it | |
| Billy Joel | Big Shot | 1979 | Thinks he's God's gift to New York | |
| It's Still Rock and Roll To Me | 1980 | Epitome of grand conspiracy to keep other music out | |
| Uptown Girl | 1983 | Mockery doesn't work unless you have credibility | |
| We Didn't Start the Fire | 1989 | Ripped off a famous R.E.M. song | |
| Elton John | Crocodile Rock | 1972 | Unbelievably corny | |
| Daniel | 1973 | The truth comes out | |
| Don Johnson | Heartbeat | 1986 | Trying to capitalize on Miami Vice popularity | |
| Journey | Any Way You Want It | 1978 | No thoughtful person could write lyrics like this | |
| Be Good To Yourself | 1986 | The Journey suicide prevention line is now open | |
| Don't Stop Believing | 1981 | Top 50 Worst/And be good to yourself | |
| Faithfully | 1983 | Got to dig those happy endings | |
| Lovin' Touchin' Squeezin' | 1979 | Stuck for words | |
| Open Arms | 1982 | Top 50 Worst/Heave mightily | |
| Toby Keith | I Wanna Talk About Me | | Combining the worst of two musical styles | |
| What Happens In Mexico... | 2005 | Don't ever return, please | |
| R. Kelly | I Believe I Can Fly | 1995 | Peter Pan/freshman dormitory | |
| Sex Me | 1994 | Oh, the significance this song has now | |
| Kenny G | Songbird | 1987 | One of many pure moods I can't stand | |
| Alicia Keys | A Woman's Worth | 2002 | Pretentious and arrogant | |
| Khia | My Neck, My Back | | My ears. They burn. | |
| Kid Rock | Cowboy | 2000 | It's all pops and buzzers from here | |
| I Am the Bull God | 1999 | This guy needs a serious beating | |
| Kiss | Beth | 1976 | Attmept at soft rock significance | |
| I Was Made For Loving You | 1979 | Classic cheese combo of rock and disco | |
| Lick it Up | 1983 | Verrrrrry subtle | |
| Lenny Kravitz | Again | 2001 | Moving toward the soft rock assembly line | |
| American Woman | 2001 | Guess who? Nepotism at work. | |
| Kris Kross | Warm it Up | 1991 | Top 50 Worst/We need beer money | |
| Kyper | Tic Tac Toe | 1990 | One-track songwriting | |
| What Gets Your Body Hyped | 1989 | First ever advertisement for "X" | |
| L.L. Cool J | I Need Love | 1987 | The answer to monster ballads: hip-hop ballads | |
| La Tour | People Are Still Having Sex | 1991 | No way, really? | |
| Patti Labelle | There's A Winner In You | | Insipid inspiration | |
| Nick Lachey | Shut Up | 2003 | Don't speak, unless spoken to | |
| Rachel Lampa | I Am Blessed | | Original songwriting | |
| Latoya | I Do | | Latoya? The Latoya? Multiply that zero by a million. | |
| Avril Lavigne | Complicated | 2002 | Flavor of the month | |
| Sk8er Boi | 2002 | Poseur girl | |
| Len | Steal My Sunshine | 1999 | A bit too cheery for me | |
| Huey Lewis and the News | Hip To Be Square | 1986 | He would know | |
| Some Kind Of Wonderful | 1993 | Some kind of originality | |
| Stuck With You | 1986 | Top 50 Worst/Totally thought-provoking | |
| Workin' For A Livin' | 1982 | Singing other people's songs is tough | |
| Lipps, Inc. | Funky Town | 1980 | Computers just couldn't funk back then | |
| Limpbizkit | Break Stuff | 2000 | The future of American youth | |
| Live | Turn My Head | 1997 | Turn it away from the mic | |
| Los Del Rio | Macarena | 1996 | Top 50 Worst/About as classy as the chicken dance | |
| Loverboy | Gangs In the Street | 1982 | A serious message from a guy in tight red leather pants | |
| Working For the Weekend | 1982 | Played collectively nationwide at 5:00 every Friday | |
| Lynyrd Skynyrd | Don't Ask Me No Questions | | Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life | |
| Freebird | 1974 | Guitar solo good. Singing bad. | |
| Sweet Home Alabama | 1974 | Severely overplayed, and they trash Neil Young | |
| That Smell | 1977 | Less than subtle | |
| Tuesday's Gone | | Freebird: the sequel | |
| Kevin Lyttle | Turn Me On | 2004 | Whoa, check yourself, big shot | |
| Sara MacLachlan | Angel | 1998 | Celine-esque | |
| Madonna | American Pie | 2001 | Bad the first time around | |
| Dear Jesse | | Just plain confusing | |
| Lucky Star | 1984 | Pre-teen crush | |
| True Blue | 1986 | Top 50 Worst/Simple-minded pre-teen valentine | |
| What It Feels Like To Be A Girl | | Helen Reddy syndrome | |
| Who's That Girl | 1987 | Horrible song, horrible movie | |
| Manfred Mann | Blinded By The Light | 1976 | Something about a deusche in the night, what? | |
| Barry Manilow | Mandy | 1974 | Top 50 Worst/He writes that songs that make one cringe | |
| Marcy Playground | Sex and Candy | 1998 | I smell a copycat band | |
| Martika | Toy Soldiers | 1989 | Apt title for this song's hollow nature | |
| Matchbox 20 | Push | 1998 | Top 50 Worst/You could break their balls with a cotton swab | |
| 3 A.M. | 1998 | Post-Hootie | |
| M.C. Hammer | Have You Seen Her? | 1990 | Should've left it alone | |
| C.W. McCall | Convoy | 1975 | Bob Seger meets Weird Al and Pat Boone | |
| Paul McCartney and Michael Jackson | Say Say Say | 1983 | A marriage of money-generating heavyweights | |
| Paul McCartney and Stevie Wonder | Ebony and Ivory | 1982 | Dollars and cents, like keys on the piano | |
| Joey McIntyre | Stay the Same | | Wasn't he part of NKOTB? Two wrongs don't make a right. | |
| John Cougar Mellencamp | Cherry Bomb | 1987 | NASCAR-Skoal rock | |
| Dance Naked | | Hot dayum, dere's gonna be a peep show | |
| Just Another Day | | Just another effortless song | |
| Key West Intermezzo | | Should've passed the mic long before this | |
| Pink Houses | 1983 | Lowest common denominator | |
| R.O.C.K. In the U.S.A. | 1986 | Further proof of American acts getting a freebie on promotion and airplay | |
| Small Town | 1985 | Should've been locked away in that small town | |
| Natalie Merchant | Kind and Generous | 1996 | Not as good without the 10,000 Maniacs | |
| Ethel Merman | Showbusiness (disco re-recording) | 1979 | Yes, they propped her up to re-record this in disco format | |
| Metallica | Hero Of the Day | 1996 | Borderline spaghetti western | |
| I Disappear | 2000 | Should've done that a long time ago | |
| St. Anger | 2003 | You're not fooling anyone | |
| Turn the Page | 1999 | Sominex remake rock | |
| George Michael | Faith | 1988 | Journey concept and George's sexual addiction | |
| Fast Love | 1995 | Pass the mic | |
| (w/ Aretha Franklin) | I Knew You Were Waiting (For Me) | 1987 | Pass the barf bag | |
| Outside | 1998 | We know what you do outside | |
| Bette Midler | Wind Beneath My Wings | 1989 | Gigantic barf bag | |
| Kylie Minogue | Can't Get You Out Of My Head | 2001 | At least she looks good | |
| I Should Be So Lucky | 1988 | Poisoned bubble gum | |
| Steve Miller Band | Space Cowboy | 1974 | Top 50 Worst/Out the hatch you go | |
| Milli Vanilli | Blame It On the Rain | 1989 | Proved the lunacy of the Grammy awards | |
| Girl You Know It's True | 1989 | The song that outed them as frauds | |
| Mr. Mister | Kyrie | 1985 | Bad sci-fi rock | |
| Mandy Moore |
Only Hope | 2002 | Pass the barf bag | |
|
Stupid Cupid | | Quit your day job, please | |
| Alanis Morrisette | Hand In My Pocket | 1995 | Worse than squealing brakes | |
| Ironic | 1996 | Top 50 Worst/Fodder for all ages | |
| Thank You | 1999 | Okay song, excruciating video | |
| What I Really Want | 1996 | I think we know the obvious answer | |
| You Learn | 1996 | Once again, how can anyone like this? | |
| Motley Crue | Afraid | 1999 | Pass the mic | |
| N'Sync | Girlfriend | | Synchronized assembly line | |
| Pop | | Hangin' tough | |
| Tearing Up My Heart | | Created by the same pedophile who created the Backstreet Boys | |
| Nelly | EI | 2001 | Simpleton song writing | |
| Nelson | After the Rain | 1990 | Two Nelsons equals twice the cheese | |
| Robbie Nevil | Bird On A Wire | | From the man who brought you "C'est La Vie" | |
| New Kids On the Block | Hangin' Tough | 1989 | Top 50 Worst/Someone needs a beating | |
| You Got It (The Right Stuff) | 1988 | The most humiliating dance moves ever | |
| Juice Newton | Queen Of Hearts | 1981 | Unfortunately, not a bluff | |
| Olivia Newton-John | I Honestly Love You | 1974 | Top 50 Worst/Supersize that barf bag | |
| No Doubt | Hey Baby | 2002 | Bandwagon hip-hop | |
| It's My Life | 2003 | Horrid remake of the Talk Talk song | |
| Just A Girl | 1996 | Poor Barbie | |
| Spiderwebs | 1996 | Roller rink pop | |
| Bebo Norman | I Am | | Music of no lasting enrichment | |
| Gilbert O'Sullivan | Alone Again (Naturally) | 1972 | The truth comes out | |
| Oasis | Don't Look Back In Anger | 1997 | Even the Beatles would be repulsed | |
| Live Forever | 1994 | Don't we all? | |
| Billy Ocean | Get Outta My Dreams, Get Into My Car | 1988 | Worst pick-up line in memory | |
| Sad Songs | 1986 | There'll be sad songs to make you barf | |
| Suddenly | 1985 | And again, heave! | |
| When The Going Gets Tough | 1985 | Don't stop...believin' | |
| Ohio Express | Yummy Yummy Yummy | 1969 | Supposedly about oral sex | |
| 112 | Peaches and Cream | 2001 | Simpleton songwriting | |
| Orgy | Blue Monday | 1999 | Why mess with a good thing? | |
| Tony Orlando and Dawn | Knock Three Times | 1970 | Top 50 Worst/Twice on the pipe if this song makes you gag | |
| Tie A Yellow Ribbon 'Round The Old Oak tree | 1973 | Top 50 Worst/Ragtime meets Bobby Sherman backed by kids from a montessori school | |
| Kelly Osbourne | Shut Up | 2003 | Short, fat leech. The title is appropriate. | |
| Donny Osmond | Mary Did You Know | | You mean Marie? We all know. | |
| Paper Lace | The Night Chicago Died | 1974 | Chicago strongly objects | |
| Patti Page | (How Much Is That) Doggy In the Window | | The one singing the brain dead song | |
| Pearl Jam | Hail Hail | 1996 | Time to re-think your strategy | |
| Last Kiss | 2000 | Sedated remake of semi-disturbing song | |
| Yellow Ledbetter | 1993 | A real bedwetter | |
| Michael Peterson | Drink, Swear, Steal and Lie | | All in a day's work | |
| Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers | You Don't Know How It Feels | 1995 | Bass-Pro soft rock | |
| Phish | Free | 1996 | Even die-hard Phish fans hate it | |
| Pink | Don't Let Me Get Me | 2002 | One of the weakest voices in years | |
| Pink Floyd | Take It Back | 1994 | Pass the mic | |
| Poison | Every Rose Has Its Thorn | 1988 | Attempt at significance | |
| Talk Dirty To Me | 1987 | Lifted from cheap porn | |
| Presidents Of the USA | Peaches | 1996 | Tasty fruit, rotten song | |
| Prince | Kiss | 1986 | Also a fruit | |
| Seven | 1992 | Where the hell did this come from? | |
| Gary Puckett | Young Girl | | She was asking for it? | |
| Puff Daddy | I'll Be Missing You | | Mass-marketing sampling psuedo-cover fraud | |
| ? and the Mysterians | 96 Tears | | Suggested as: Idiotic oldies radio staple | |
| Rah Band | Clouds Across the Moon | 1985 | Galactic cheese | |
| Bonnie Raitt | Something To Talk About | 1991 | Borderline corporate country | |
| Rascal Flats | When She Loved Me | | Jive country | |
| Ready For The World | Oh Sheila | 1985 | Not ready for prime time | |
| Red Hot Chili Peppers | Aeroplane | 1995 | Indication of things to come | |
| Love Rollercoaster | 1996 | Originally a disco song, and disco would hate it. | |
| Party On Your Pussy | 1988 | Makes pornography look tame | |
| Suck My Kiss | 1991 | Top 50 Worst/Less than subtle | |
| Helen Reddy | I Am Woman | 1972 | Top 50 Worst/Trying to capitalize on social issues | |
| R.E.M. | Daysleeper | 1998 | Pass the mic | |
| Shiny Happy People | 1991 | Low point in a great career | |
| REO Speedwagon | Can't Fight This Feeling | 1985 | Roller rink/infomercial rock | |
| Rhythm Syndicate | P-a-s-s-i-o-n | 1991 | Epitome of clueless songwriting | |
| Minnie Ripperton | Loving You | 1975 | Top 50 Worst/Supersize that barf bag/pass the ear plugs | |
| The Rolling Stones | Beast Of Burden | 1978 | Pass the mic | |
| Start Me Up | 1981 | Top 50 Worst/Heard at NFL kickoffs everywhere | |
| Teddy Ruxpin | Come Dream With Me Tonight | 1985 | Shouldn't a horror movie exist based on this bear? | |
| Sade | Smooth Operator | 1985 | Bastardized by the "smooth jazz" format | |
| Deion Sanders | Must Be the Money | 1995 | I thought the same thing | |
| Jill Scott | A Long Walk | | Just one thing - what's with her hair? | |
| Seals and Crofts | Summer Breeze | 1972 | Seasons in the sun: The prequel | |
| Bob Seger | Against The Wind | 1980 | Lowest common denominator | |
| Hands In The Air | 1995 | Revolution! | |
| Hollywood Nights | 1978 | Forever living on the road | |
| Kathmandu | 1975 | Can he even locate Nepal? | |
| Like A Rock | 1986 | Top 50 Worst/Please Chevy, stop... | |
| Night Moves | 1976 | Attempt at significance | |
| Old Time Rock And Roll | 1979 | Top 50 Worst/Huey Lewis would hate it | |
| Sgt. Barry Sadler | The Ballad of the Green Berets | 1968 | Top 50 Worst/9,000 years behind the times | |
| William Shatner | Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds | | Who let him sing? | |
| Silverchair | Tomorrow | 1995 | Acne rock | |
| Jessica Simpson | A Little Bit Goes A Long Way | | She's living proof | |
| Take My Breath Away | 2004 | From Top Gun to remedial education | |
| The Sweetest Sin | | Unbelievably dumb | |
| Smashing Pumpkins | 1979 | 1996 | Pre-teen remember-when song | |
| Thirty-three | 1996 | Not good with numbers, I guess | |
| Will Smith |
Just the Two of Us | 1997 | Pampers pop | |
| Men In Black | 1997 | Style over substance | | | Miami | 2000 | Top 50 Worst/An icky, icky substance | |
| Snow | Informer | 1993 | Sleeps on Vanilla Ice's couch | |
| Britney Spears | I Love Rock And Roll | 2000 | A remake of a remake - multiple wrongs here | |
| Oops! I Did It Again | 2000 | At least she looks good | |
| Spice Girls | Naked | | Pre-Destiny's Child? | |
| 2 Become 1 | 1997 | The requisite ballad | |
| Wannabe | 1997 | Puppets. No credibility whatsoever | |
| Rick Springfield | Jesse's Girl | 1981 | Soap opera schlock | |
| Bruce Springsteen | Human Touch | 1992 | "Boss" Mellencamp | |
| Streets Of Philadelphia | 1993 | Sominex/mumbling unintelligible rock | |
| Stacy Q | Two Of Hearts | 1986 | Roller rink rock | |
| Frank Stallone | Far From Over | 1983 | Nepotism at work | |
| Starland Vocal Band | Afternoon Delight | 1976 | Probably rented from Captain and Tenille | |
| Starship | Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now | 1987 | How far they fell | |
| We Built This City | 1985 | Top 50 Worst/Super-cheesy. This song is poison. | |
| Rod Stewart | Do Ya Think I'm Sexy | 1978 | I'm not sure how anyone does | |
| Have I Told You Lately | 1993 | Insipid to the core | |
| Infatuation | 1984 | Stalker rock | |
| Love Touch | 1986 | Soft rock assembly line | |
| Maggie Mae | 1971 | Overplayed | |
| Rhythm Of My Heart | 1991 | Top 50 Worst/Supersize that barf bag | |
| Tonight's The Night | 1976 | Born under a bad sign | |
| Stone Temple Pilots | Interstate Love Song | 1994 | Overplayed, borderline country | |
| Ruben Studdard | Sorry | 2004 | America deserves an apology | |
| Styx | Babe | 1979 | Top 50 Worst/Dennis DeYoung: worst influence in rock | |
| Lady | 1974 | This from a band on everyone's "AOR" playlist | |
| Lorelei | 1976 | I can fly! | |
| Mr. Roboto | 1983 | What the hell? Japanese forklift operator? | |
| The Best Of Times | 1981 | The worst of rock and Broadway | |
| Sweet Sensation | If Wishes Came True | | Got no soul | |
| SWV | I Get Weak | 1993 | Post-TLC | |
| R. Dean Taylor | Indiana Wants Me | | Worst song to feature a bullhorn | |
| Third Day | God Of Wonder | | It's always the same topic | |
| Love Song For A Savior | | Isn't that forbidden? | |
| .38 Special | Rockin' Into The Night | 1980 | Tipper Gore's road trip | |
| Thompson Twins | Tokyo | 1986 | Inaccurate and pointless | |
| Tiffany | Could've Been | 1988 | Never should've | |
|
I Saw Him Standing There | 1987 | Remaking Beatles songs rarely works | |
| I Think We're Alone Now | 1987 | Tommy James would cringe | |
| Justin Timberlake | Rock Your Body | 2003 | What Justin says to the rest of N'Sync? | |
| Timex Social Club | Rumours | 1986 | I think I'll write my Congressman... | |
| TLC | Dear Lie | | Attempt at significance | |
| No Scrubs | | Translated: we need a man to bail us out of debt | |
| Toad The Wet Sprocket | Walk On The Ocean | 1992 | No effort whatsoever | |
| Trick Daddy | Take It To The House | 2001 | Touchdown? | |
| Shania Twain | You're Still The One I Want | 1998 | Nashville hates her | |
| 2 Live Crew | Me So Horny | 1989 | Misogyny Hall of Fame | |
| Pop That Coochie | 1990 | Lesson in subtlety | |
| U2 | Discotecque | 1996 | Stop experimenting, it's not working | |
| Numb | 1993 | Attempt at rap? | |
| Staring At The Sun | 1996 | Didn't someone tell you not to? | |
| Uncle Cracker | Follow Me | 2001 | Everyone's creepy uncle | |
| USA For Africa | We Are the World | 1985 | I'm sure everyone involved genuinely cared | |
| Usher | You Got It Bad | | Worn out after the first spin | |
| You Remind Me | | Critics' darling | |
| Van Halen | Can't Stop Loving You | 1995 | Top 50 Worst/Almost ready for minivan moms | |
| Dance The Night Away | 1982 | Horrible, horrible stuff | |
| Dreams | 1986 | Don't stop...believin' | |
| Me Wise Magic | 1996 | Pointless and pathetic | |
| Not Enough | 1995 | Top 50 Worst/Michael Bolton-esque | |
| When It's Love | 1988 | Whitney Houston with guitars | |
| Without You | | Gary is worse than Sammy | |
| Vandenberg | Burning Heart | 1983 | The bad trend in monster ballads | |
| Luther Vandross | Dance With My Father | 2003 | Sympathy for near-fatal stroke propelled this to popularity. | |
| (w/ Janet Jackson) | The Best Things In Life Are Free | 1991 | Such as the Sizzler buffet | |
| Vanilla Ice | I Love You | 1991 | Real creative | |
| Ice Ice Baby | 1991 | Top 50 Worst/Incapable of original material | |
| (w/ Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles) | Turtle Rap | 1991 | The turtles had more credibility than Mr. Van Winkle | |
| Suzanne Vega | Tom's Diner | 1990 | Top 50 Worst/And we care, because? | |
| Jackie Velasquez | Adore | | The titles change, the songs remain the same | |
| Billy Vera and the Beaters | At This Moment | 1986 | Top of the cheese wheel | |
| The Village People | In The Navy | 1978 | Don't ask, don't tell | |
| Macho Man | 1978 | Something we don't aspire to | |
| Y.M.C.A. | 1978 | Top 50 Worst/Bad staple of every public gathering | |
| Vixen | On the Edge Of A Broken Heart | 1988 | Junior high girls gone wild | |
| John Waite | Missing You | 1984 | Corporate love song/sneer 'n' head bop | |
| The Wallflowers | 6th Avenue Heartache | 1996 | Hootie with sominex | |
| Three Marlenas | 1997 | Painful to listen to | |
| Warrant | Cherry Pie | 1991 | One-track songwriting | |
| Heaven | 1991 | The institutional ballad | |
| We Will Rock You | 1991 | The institutional remake | |
| Wham! | Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go | 1984 | Top 50 Worst/The video from hell | |
| Matthew Wilder | Break My Stride | 1983 | Very uncomfortable association with adult diaper commercials | |
| Deniece Williams | Let's Hear It For The Boy | 1984 | Bubble gum with no flavor | |
| Too Much, Too Little, Too Late | | Way out of touch | |
| Gretchen Wilson | Redneck Woman | 2004 | Qualifications doubted | |
| Wilson Phillips |
Go Your Own Way | 2004 | Desperate remake, desperate return | |
|
Hold On | 1991 | Infomercial rock | |
| Release Me | 1991 | From Carney's kung-fu grip | |
| LeAnn Womack | I Hope You Dance | | Here's hoping she chokes | |
| Zager and Evans | In The Year 2525 | | Buck Rogers rock | |
| Warren Zevon | Werewolves Of London | 1978 | Classic crap | |
Air Supply - "All Out Of Love"
Paul Anka - "The Teen Commandments"
J.C. Chasez - "Some Girls (Dance With Women)"
Snow - "Informer"